


The single tear he has ever shed

by Lam Vũ (blaues_universum)



Category: Thor (2011)
Genre: M/M, Pseudo Incest, onesided Loki/Thor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-08
Updated: 2012-06-08
Packaged: 2017-11-07 06:35:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/428015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blaues_universum/pseuds/Lam%20V%C5%A9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor isn't going to know that the only tear of Loki's lifetime was the most precious, truthful thing the God of Mischief ever left him. And why Loki lets go when they are on the edge of a destroyed Bifroest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The single tear he has ever shed

**Author's Note:**

> Big thanks to my beta-reader Mistress Infinity@ff.net x
> 
> A short fic inspired by Tom Hiddleston's eyes in Thor. They were always watery and sad, so I had to write something. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and reviews are appreciated :x

One of the things that make Loki stand out amongst the Asgardians is the colour of his eyes. It's completely different from the stormy blue of Thor's, the cold azure of Odin's or the piercing ultramarine of Frigga's. It's cold, it's deep, it's sometimes bright, sometimes innocent, sometimes totally dark that people mistake it for a fairer shade of black. Those green eyes seem to have a life of their own. Always so motile, so moving, so _alluring_.

 

"You're so lucky," Thor says to him, smilling broadly, "your eyes are so unique."

 

"How unique, brother?" Loki asks, putting his book down besides him on the bench to look up at his brother's eyes. He is, for half a second, blinded by the late afternoon's sunlight and misses an affectionate glint in Thor's eyes.

But Thor doesn't answer him. They just stared at each other for several minutes, Loki waiting for an answer and wondering what his brother is up to, and Thor desperately thinking of something to say.

 

Finally, Loki stands up, taking his book and preparing to leave. That's when Thor raises his voice.

 

"Because your eyes are so watery, brother, that I have to wonder if you cry constantly."

 

But they both know that it's not the truth. Thor knows because he decides not to be truthful to Loki this time, and Loki knows because he always realizes if someone is lying.

 

"But I never cry. Never have, never will," Loki absent-mindedly answers.

 

"You're lying," Thor says.

 

 

 

\---o0o---

 

 

 

Thor was right, there is a wetness everlastingly staying in Loki's eyes.

 

Loki was telling the truth, too. He doesn't cry. He cannot cry.

 

Thor seemed to have forgotten the night of some centuries ago, when an eight year old Loki sneaked into his room and asked him how tears tasted because he didn't remember ever crying and there was that book which said they were bitter. He also forgets some centuries ago, a teenaged Loki licked his brother's tears away when some beautiful maiden dared to break his heart just to know what tears are like on his silver tongue. And he forgets as well that there were times Loki cut his chest open or broke his arm on purpose just to feel the pain so he could cry easily but failed miserably.

 

He doesn't notice the look of painful disappointment on his brother's face when there's someone crying and Loki hates it, hates it, hates it very much that he can't do a normal, basic thing as _crying_.

 

All Loki gets is just lines of water streaming down his face from his glassy eyes. People think he is crying, but this is not crying, this is just cold water drops chasing down his cheeks. And he even has to force them out.

 

 

 

\---o0o---

 

 

 

Loki discovered his heritage one or two centuries ago but didn't have the guts to confront Odin about it. He is still sad because he is different, because he is some kind of disgusting monster that Thor has detested all his life. But it's ok, as long as Odin still loves him like a proper son, as long as Thor doesn't know and still cherishes him as a loving brother.

 

As long as he doesn't have to stay awake during sleepless nights and wonder why he can't shed a tear naturally like other Asgardians.

 

Jotunheim was his home. And people from the cold, colourless, devastated realm cannot cry because their bodies are just kind-of-human-shaped-masses-of-ice. Drops of water billowing from their crimson eyes taste like melting ice, chilling and tasteless and _faked_. But really, why must they cry? They can be hurt but when they are wounded they scream in agony. They can feel triumph but cannot touch happiness. They can feel angry but cannot define sadness. Because their hearts were so long, long ago frozen by the ugly snow and wind of Jotunheim.

 

But it's ok, because Loki always tries to find the reason not to cry.

 

 

 

\---o0o---

 

 

 

However, there are many times that Loki fails. He just wants to cry his heart out, not to show his misery but to lessen the pain. He can't.

 

Like when an eighteen year old Loki found out that he loved his brother. And now, hundred years later, still loves him madly like Thor is the only light in a kingdom darker, colder, and sharper than Jotunheim. Like when he wants to kiss those pink lips so much that it hurts over and over again but he can't. Like when he wants to hold his large, calloused hand and never lets go but the cruel fate forbids him to do so.

 

Like when a semi-god Loki found out that he was Laufey's son. And now, centuries later, still longs for Odin's affection, for equality but understands that it's an unrealistic dream.

 

Because everything is not that simple. Because his love alone is not enough. Because the truth has to rear its ugly head to remind him and the whole universe that he is still a revolting blue-skinned crimson-eyed Jötunn.

 

Because everything is just a lie.

 

 

 

\---o0o---

 

 

 

Thor doesn't compliment him on his eyes anymore. He just says, it's madness.

 

But you always said they were beautiful, Loki thinks but doesn't say it out loud.

 

They are going to fight on the Bifröst.

 

 

 

\----o0o---

 

 

 

Of course Thor isn't going to learn anything from Loki. The Jötunn never lose in a lying game, therefore nobody can force _the truth_ out of him.

 

Thor isn't going to know why Loki's eyes are so beautifully watery but also present ultimate madness. He isn't going to know that beauty is made of thousands of pains and burns and lies.

 

Thor isn't going to know Loki has only cried one time. That's the moment when his younger brother realized that a Jane Foster existed and gradually stole his heart.

 

Thor isn't going to know how Loki's single tear tasted. It fell on Loki's upper lip and he secretly licked it away. It tasted of envy, jealousy, greed, sadness, blue, green, of lies and truths, of the dim light that made Thor's golden hair shine and left a bitter tanginess on Loki's tongue.

 

Thor isn't going to know how much Loki has loved him forever and that Loki now feels very exhausted, betrayed, traumatized, saddened. That the only tear of Loki's lifetime was the most precious, truthful thing the God of Mischief ever left him. And why Loki lets go when they are on the edge of a destroyed Bifröst.

 


End file.
